Friends and Beyond

Hard Times Causes Communication To Go To the Cave More Frequently

Recently I have been getting messeges concerning how men are reacting to their women in these times of economic struggle.  With many women in the work force trying to make ends meet for the family, the need for clearer communication is on the rise.  Women come home from work and when they begin to talk about the days ups and downs, their male counter part tends to withdraw or retreat. What is understandably happenning is that he is, feeling like it is his responsibility to solve the problems that arose during the day for her and will go into what is called his cave.

The cave is the place in his mind where men find relief and the space to focus and try to solve the problem at hand.  He is unaware that his female counter part only wanted him to listen and be the shoulder to cry on like all her other girlfriends.  She is not expecting him to come up with solutions to the days issues. The not so great part of this situation is that when a man is in his cave, so to speak, he is unable to give his woman the attention she is needing.  Once he finds some kind of solution to the problem that was expressed, he can then come out of that space and resume the relationship.

Women do not always react well to this withdrawl mostly because they are either unaware of the cave or do not understand the need for the solitude. They instantly feel ignored and know that the man they care about is not paying attention to their need for communication.  She does not realize that he is unable to do so in a manner that would attend to her needs so he retreats to a distant and unresponsive cave.  Should she persist in trying to get him to communicate, she just may be attacked by the dragon that protects the mouth of the cave, which will hurt her even more. 

The best thing for a woman to do in these cases is to first of all tell him man the bottom line and that she just needs him listen.  When he does go into his cave, leave him alone.  Do not take it personal. He can not handle that kind of conversation very well and when he comes back from his time of solitude he will be of more support than before.  When this principle is learned or at least acknowledged between men and women then their communication will improve in leaps and bounds.

Aim Right Fot The Heart

A common need in all human beings is the feeling and expression of love.  Even people with the toughest of exteriors has a soft and sensative interior that longs for love in some way.  Sometimes the world will knock you around a little but when that hard facade is challenged, a deeper, more vulerable human being stands behind the armor.  All of our actions are unskillful or skillfull attempts to feel love.  Even the meanest person in the world craves the feelings of love as much as you or I do.  Maybe even more so.  Some people believe that love can be manipulated and do not understand that love can only be won or given and received.  Many times people act unloveable because they believe deep inside that they are unloveable.  Relationships suffer because of this simple barrier that we sometimes carry for protection. 

The language of the heart is not difficult or complex.  It is actually quite simple.  "The fruits of thoughtfulness sometimes remain hidden until the moment is ripe".  Sometimes all it takes is a simple touch when love and understanding is communicated in a way that is beyond words.  So the challenge for each of us is to reach out, to live and to act for what is real on the inside even if the reality is not apparent to our own senses on the outside.  We can break down the lonely towers that stand around the hearts of people and in doing so we will indeed discover our own.    We must never underestimate the healing power of the act of kindness no matter how big or how small.