Friends and Beyond

Online Dating Has Given "Blind Date" A New Meaning

It has come to my attention just recently about what may be appropriate for a blind date when it comes to activity and setting.  In this day and age, people tend to rush into and out of relationships like a revolving door.  There is no time alotted to get to know one another.  Immediately there is a sense of false commitment and then surprise when that commitment does not stick.  So the question is...What is an appropriate activity and setting when you have been recommended to someone that you have not met?  Is is a date or not?  Where should you go and what should you do?

The answer to this question is one so many do not like because it is putting on the brakes before you get started.  But to properly meet someone, it should be done in a public, casual and even fun atmosphere.  A public gathering or networking function is a great place to meet someone of the opposite sex for the first time.  Cocktails in a larger setting or even coffee is a safe and appropriate atmosphere for both men and women to meet for the first time when a friend or family member has made a recommendation and is not available to be there to make the introduction.

Meeting a stranger for a movie or dinner is not an ideal setting for that first time meet.  The atmosphere is too intimate and intimidating especially if the people meeting do not take a liking to each other in the beginning.  Also, with a meal, there is an unspoken sense of obligation for the gentleman to pay for the meal even if he does not like the woman.   

By choosing a casual meeting place and activity, there is a sense of freedom for both people to either continue seeing each other by mutually planning a proper date or going their separate ways.  This also gives room to meet a few more times casually before proceeding forward to a dating environment.  With online dating at an all time high, it is important to use caution when meeting strangers for the first time.  And even a few times after the initial get together.  There should always be a Plan B until you get to know someone better and feel comfortable with and even safe around them.  Why rush when you have the rest of your life to enjoy the right person. 

Hard Times Causes Communication To Go To the Cave More Frequently

Recently I have been getting messeges concerning how men are reacting to their women in these times of economic struggle.  With many women in the work force trying to make ends meet for the family, the need for clearer communication is on the rise.  Women come home from work and when they begin to talk about the days ups and downs, their male counter part tends to withdraw or retreat. What is understandably happenning is that he is, feeling like it is his responsibility to solve the problems that arose during the day for her and will go into what is called his cave.

The cave is the place in his mind where men find relief and the space to focus and try to solve the problem at hand.  He is unaware that his female counter part only wanted him to listen and be the shoulder to cry on like all her other girlfriends.  She is not expecting him to come up with solutions to the days issues. The not so great part of this situation is that when a man is in his cave, so to speak, he is unable to give his woman the attention she is needing.  Once he finds some kind of solution to the problem that was expressed, he can then come out of that space and resume the relationship.

Women do not always react well to this withdrawl mostly because they are either unaware of the cave or do not understand the need for the solitude. They instantly feel ignored and know that the man they care about is not paying attention to their need for communication.  She does not realize that he is unable to do so in a manner that would attend to her needs so he retreats to a distant and unresponsive cave.  Should she persist in trying to get him to communicate, she just may be attacked by the dragon that protects the mouth of the cave, which will hurt her even more. 

The best thing for a woman to do in these cases is to first of all tell him man the bottom line and that she just needs him listen.  When he does go into his cave, leave him alone.  Do not take it personal. He can not handle that kind of conversation very well and when he comes back from his time of solitude he will be of more support than before.  When this principle is learned or at least acknowledged between men and women then their communication will improve in leaps and bounds.

Your Relationship Can Depend On Communication And Asking The Right Questions

Within the first few moments of meeting someone of the opposite sex some people are probably thinking "I hope he/she is not a jerk like all the others". If you think of early love like a flower, often the petals are crushed when one or the other unknowingly does or says something that will turn the other person off. Later in a blooming relationship the same blooper can happen and might not offer any more that an uncomfortable spot then they move on. There are fatal bloopers that happen on the first date and can gnaw away at the early relationship.

First and foremost always remember the men and women DO communicate differently. They also talk about different subjects that tend to be gender related. Men tend to like to talk about sports, cars, how things work and how they can fix things. Women however like to talk about people, their problems, art, spiritual and personal growth. When a man or a woman learn a little about the interests of the opposite person, they can learn how to better communicate early in the in the dating process.   I'm Getting To Know You is a great place to get suggestions on questions you should ask when first entering into a new relationship. When you keep these in mind, the liklihood of the relationship moving to the next level is probable.

It is not a good idea to talk about feelings early in the relationship development. Women don't really mind however men will shrug the subject off as irrelevant. Unless you are with someone rare who likes to discuss gender related subjects, it is advisable to avoid and save feelings related conversation until later in the relationship.

Another major difference between male and female communications is that men will not ask for directions and women find the first person to ask when she is in unfamiliar territory. Consequently, if in fact directions are asked then a male just want the facts with no added hoopla where as a woman wants to hear about all the stuff along the way. It happens the same way when men and women give directions. Men will give just the facts and women will give a low down on the sites you will see along the way.

One additional situation that is differently communicated by a man or a woman is when trials and tribulations arise. Men would prefer to be left alone to sort through their problems. Their male friends most likely will just tell him things will work out. If a woman just does the same and keeps her mouth shut, then she will become his refuge from the storm when it blows over instead of a part of it. On the other hand a woman will get hurts feelings if a man does not ask her if she would like to talk about what ever it is that is bothering her. She does not need anyone to fix her situation she just wants to vent. So men it is advisable to just listen. Just simply listen. When she is done she will feel so much better and so will you.

What Are The Communication Differences That Men and Women Encounter

if you know anything about the way men and women communication you know that they do not do so in the same way.  Especially when they are under stress.  Women tend to become emotional and seemingly overwhelmed.  Men on the other hand become more withdrawn and focused.  The friction comes when a women feels much better by talking about problems but her male counterpart likes to solve the problem to feel better. 

Men do not like to talk about what is bothering him.  He prefers to be quiet and somewhat secluded and prefers to be alone while he is figuring out who to take care of what seems to be the problem.  When he feels he has the solution, he can them find comfort and become more social.  Unfortunately when he can figure things out he will do other things like read the newspaper or something else that will take his mind off the problem at hand. 

Women however, needs to talk about what is bothering here and the more she talks the better she feels.  Have you ever noticed that a women can talk about the same things several times during a conversation?  Women share their feelings and frustrations and in doing so feel less burdened.  There is a certain trust among women that create relationships and community when they can talk about their day, their kids, job and relationship or lack of.

Situations and misunderstandings arise when neither men or women realize that with communication they are not on the same page all the time.  When men learn how to listen to women talking about their problems it can actually help them control the need to be alone.  They realize that the problems are not their fault and therefore do not need fixing.  And when women can learn to ask for the attention of a man it helps men to feel more accepted and less likely to find the need for seclusion.  With these understandings, the communication gap between the two becomes smaller and easier to manage.  The two can share in a way that is suitable to both an be happier in the long run.

Spending The Holidays With Your Family

Wow, it has been some time since I have been here and realized one subject that is not covered very often.  The Christmas Holiday brought this to my attention just this week.  How well do you get along with your family?  Time spent together, especially at the Holidays can tell you an amazing story.

Alot of people have families that are close and enjoy each other's company.  But on the other side of the coin there are families who do not get along vary well and find that it is difficult to put up with each other especially during the Holidays.  The time spent together is endured and not enjoyed.  The question is "How do you spend time with those you are not so fond of and make it a memorable and enjoyable time?  Well I learned the answer as a sat here in front of my computer on Christmas Eve Day and had difficulty spending time with my family who came to Vegas to spend Christmas with me. 

I learned that I have to respond from my higher self which is the love based self.  I have been reacting from my lower self which is fear based and that I was not happy at all.  At time like the Holiday Season it is imperative to understand that it is NOT about you!  It is about others!  And those others include your family no matter what the relationship.  When I realized this, I found it easier to make what is left of the visit as happy as I can for those who took the time to be here. 

If you are in search of wealth...start in your own backyard.  The wealthy understand that when you make it about others and what you can give, your happiness blooms as well. Merry Christmas everyone.

Before Getting Married There Is One Important Subject That You Need To Discuss

Before making plans for a wedding after you say "I Do" there is some other planning that needs to take place.  These are the plans for your financial future.  Finances is one subject that most couples have no communication about before they take the ultimate walk down the aisle.  Yet, it the most import plans that need to be duscussed and agreed upon.  It is amazing when two people come together how different their approaches to money can be. 

Indeed this can be one of the most difficult conversations to have prior to marriage but this matter should be discussed before you decide how many will be attend the ceremony.  If you have this communication about the finances early in your relationship afeter you decide to tie the know you mostly likely will get off to a much better start.  There are several questions that you can ask to include the amount of accounts there are and what kind are they, how many credit card and their limits and balances to name two.  Obviously these alone could cause some discomfort in the evening conversations but without them you could be doomed to financial setbacks or blessed with a firm financial foundation. So before you say "I Do" do talk money. 

When Are Your Friends, Friends Or Just Acquaintances

Have you ever wondered if your friends are really your friends.  Or have they turned into just another acquaintance.  Most people think that what starts out as friendship stays that way but that is not necessarily true.  As time goes on you can always count on friends to be there when you need them and keep an open line of communication.  There is true appreciation when you help them out or just be there when they need you.

But what do you call them when your need arises time and time again and they are never available or always have their own drama going on.  When you want to get together they are always too busy.  They ask for your help and you go running but when the tables are turned there is always something going on that prevents them from being there for you.  Is this what a friend is?  Or have they moved into acquaintance mode and are friends only when they need you.  If this is happening to you then maybe it is time to move on and find people who truly wish to share friendship.  Maybe it is time to re-evaluate who your friends are and are not.  See how many times you get put on the back burner and where your friends really are when you need a helping hand.  You will probably find that these people are no longer you friend but are not just an acquaintance

Conversations Can Help Build Friendships Beginning With Body Language

Making friends isn't always easy for some people.  It may be helpful to know that learning how to start and maintain a conversation is a major key in developing lasting friendships.  Or avoiding certain frienships for that matter.  But starting a conversation can be difficult for some people also.  One good thing to know is that about 70% of all communication is not verbal.  Your body language will communicate your attitude and feelings long before you ever open your mouth to speak.  It will also tell someone how open you are to others for a conversation.  So it is a good idea to pay attention to your body language.

By learning a few very important things to keep in mind, you can be better able to either begin or join into a conversation with people that you would like to start a friendship with.  The very first thing you must do is to smile.  This is a warm gesture that invites others to come closer and talk for a while.  The way you stand can either invite or turn away a prospective person whom you might want to talk with.  Slumped over with folded arms is not an inviting posture to portray.  Standing up straight with confidence and arms to your sides says to someone that you welcome a conversation with them. 

There are several more techniques and tactics you can learn to invite and welcome a conversation.  It is wise to find the ones that you can easily learn or change to help you create more friendships or even business relationships as well.  After a short time you will find that you too can enjoy fun and friendly converstions with others around you.